Marriage is a sacred gift of heaven to mankind. It is a customarily acknowledged union between two people, called spouses, which establishes rights and obligations between them as well as gives them a chance to create their own heaven for themselves and for their family.
But is it always the happy ending we are accustomed to see in movies or would it bring curse for some people?
It will surely be a curse for one who got cheated on by his/her partner. As it shatters their dreams and ideas about their life. We all know that life is not a bed of roses but we still try to make it perfect as much as we can by finding solace in other people company but for one who suffer infidelity it may not be the cause.
Just like jenna, one of my colleague, whose husband cheated on her with their mutual friend which break her to an extent that she never want to trust anyone again.
Cheating and infidelity becoming popular in society now a days. Both men are women are the victims of it. If we ask a group of people that how much of them had been affected by infidelity? Certainly 80 to 90% will raise their hands. We all feel sorrow and remorse for the person cheated on? But what after that? Can we ever imagine the trauma a betrayed experience?
It is estimated that 14 to 25% of people face infidelity after marriage. They may suffer for a long time from that trauma. Psychology stated that spouse who got cheated on may suffer Post traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) which can cause lifelong problems.
So I asked some persons who suffered infidelity what they experience when they found out that they got cheated on. The stories I heard brought tears to my eyes. These also give me insight of some emotions the betrayed feel.
Rage is violent uncontrollable anger a person feels when he experience something that is out of their expectation or control.
When a spouse knows that they got cheated on, the first emotion they experience or feel is rage. As they never expect their loved-one will turn his/her back on them.
This just happens in the case of bob and audery’s story. In which bob says that when audery tells him about her affair his can’t think of anything else. His mind was flooded by the images of her wife and the person with which she had cheated on him. He said that “I questioned her about my love, our children and our life.
I was so angry that I just stormed out of my house and I want to hurt her at that time”
After the rage subsided, the second emotion people feel is deep sorrow. Sorrow is a feeling of deep distress caused by a loss, disappointment or suffered by oneself and others. The betrayer would push his/her partner into a dark world without realizing the fact. As stated by my co-worker Jenna “when my anger subsided after I got to know that my husband and my friend had cheated on me, I was in so much pain. My heart was aching like it got crushed into million pieces. I just feel that I am alone in a sea of people around me. Suddenly I realized that all colors from my life are gone and I don’t even know what I should do now”
This pain and sorrow is the worst thing that can happen to someone which would double when the betrayer tried to justify themselves. Whatever be the cause, whatever be the reason, the fact that he/she had broken their partner’s trust always will be a bleeding thorn in their partner’s heart.
Worthlessness is a state of being unimportant and useless. The betrayed will feel this emotion very severely.
May be the first question arise in the minds of betrayer is “was I not enough?
Had I made some mistakes which lead my partner to cheating?”
This feeling of worthlessness would lead them to question their own selves, their own abilities and their love which can further shatter their confidence and will develop feelings of hopelessness and uncertainty. As I saw an interview in which a wife asked her husband repeatedly “why! Why! Why did you do this to me? Had I not loved you enough? Had I not support you enough? Where in our life you feel
that I am lacking and you need someone else to fill that gap?
The answer she received from her husband was silence. He claims that he still love her and want to reconcile their relationship but had no answer for her. May be all betrayers have no answer for their partner when they questioned them as they themselves know what shameful act or sin they had done and committed. The question here is why a spouse will suffer these grievances? Answer to this question may vary. Some people stated that “ the love they have for their partner is so deep that they can willingly cage themselves and wait for their partner to return to them” Some stated that want to linger in their relationship just to secure the future of their child and some people blame themselves for the infidelity of their partner.
Whatever be the cause, it will leave a deep scar on the mind and emotions of victims. Several interviews are present on internet which can support the notion.
The person who is betrayed, cheated or abandoned may never feel true happiness in his/her life again. They will be in contrast fear and panic which will introduce stress in their relationship. This never ending circle of distrust, fear and stress will cause them to forget them what they actually was? There are several cases reported in which the spouse who got cheated, changed themselves to a point that they themselves are unable to recognize what they have become. They often question themselves what they are? What they want to be and what they have become? Is that the life they always wanted?
Relationship won’t work with the efforts of a single person. It can be evident with a simple analogy then even a simplest drink we made will require a certain ratio of each ingredient. Excesses of one would make it undrinkable so how can one suppose from its spouse to put all of his heart in their relationship when he/she themselves are not doing this.
Happiness, pleasure, contentment and delight comes from a satisfied heart which can bliss a life long relationship.