People have been asking a lot lately: after the breakup, I’m not in close contact with the other person anymore, and I’m worried that he’ll slowly forget about me, and he will fall in love with someone else. What should I do? How do we contact each other?
Keeping in touch with each other constantly after a breakup will only add to the stress and even make the other person hate you.
Learn to create opportunities for the other person to reach out to you so that you can regain your attraction to them and take the initiative.
Reduced demand, secondary attraction
When your sense of need is low, the initiative is in your hand. When you show a strong sense of neediness, it means that you are low value. To get your love back you first have to calm yourself and you should have the pace of your life.
Case in point.
Vivian has been staying at home for a long time, the reason is because her boyfriend doesn’t want to see her anymore, although still not explicitly breaking up with her.
Some people are like that, they are not willing to change, but also complain about life, feel the whole world is sorry for her, in the end she does not suffer who suffers?
She was in a very bad mood when she came to us for counseling, so Ms. Judy suggested that she travel, read, cook, etc., and do more of the things she enjoys and try new things during the cooling off period.
Avoid doing behaviors that are offensive to the other person, as it will create more conflict points between her and her boyfriend, so don’t behave aggressively during the calm period to reduce the conflict points between them.
Later on, with our careful guidance and help, her boyfriend developed a new affection for her, and with the foundation of the relationship of the past two years, he was willing to come back to her again.
Create a fling to get your lover back
Learn to give each other proper time and space, keep contacting each other will only add pressure, which will make each other more convinced to break up with you. The decision. So, don’t keep reaching out to the other person, but use your charm to re-engage him.
Also, during the cooling off period, enhance your value, understand the other person’s needs, and make yourself into something that they need.
Case in point.
On the one hand, we understand her, but on the other hand, we regret that she only grieves and does not act in this way.
We understood her, but on the other hand, we felt sorry for the way she was only grieving and not doing anything. She was able to think differently, control her emotions and communicate well with her husband.
Slowly, her husband had a fresh sense of her again, and finally their relationship was reunited. She later sent a special thank you letter! Haha!
Reshaping the mind and restoring connection
During the period of disconnection, don’t take the initiative to contact each other, you have to put the focus of life on yourself, do more of what you like, try new things and show them through your circle of friends and people around him, let him “unexpectedly” know that you have changed.
When he finds out that you’re doing fine without him, he will try to contact you.
Case in point.
When Qingqing from Chengdu found us, she had been suffering from insomnia for 3 months because of her breakup. Judy gave her a lot of advice, and she was worried that if she did what we told her to do, she’d lose her job. What if the ex-boyfriend is seeing someone else.
That’s not a redeeming mentality.
After the mindset adjustment, she started to act on what our teacher said. Ex-boyfriend passed her friend request in seconds. The boyfriend also left a message under the circle of friends she sent, saying that she had recently changed a lot and was very charming, and then her boyfriend even pursued her. She seized the initiative.
People are curious creatures, and when they see someone worth more than themselves, they naturally want to have it! This is a man’s instinctive “bitchery”, especially if he has had the woman before.